01/06/2025 at the aomori museum of art.

​ 01/08/2025 in the hobby OFF parking lot.

​ 01/25/2025 yves "apple cinnamon crunch" tour at brooklyn paramount.

​ 01/26/2025 in my dream, i'm giving away cough drops and matcha cake. i approach a rich family, and they refuse it. inside their house, a girl is playing piano. a homeless person helps me distribute the goods, so i give him 50 cents. we are in chinatown and i can hear people speaking chinese.

i was napping and forgot 0002's birthday party. she rented out a theatre which has a waterpark section. luckily, it's 30 minutes from my house, so i can still make it late if my dad drives me. i get there and end up having to do a group photoshoot for this spaghetti restaurant, but afterwards we get to eat pasta at the table. ​

02/01/2025 i dreamed about art school. there was an exhibit, so we were going to all the different floors. i was looking for the washroom, but i ended up finding the snack floor! they had huge heart bread – it was multiple fruits pieced together to make a heart, and the inside was banana bread.

there were also many different types of chips. the ladies who made the chips, along with my math teacher, came out. they said, "we salted each of these chips by hand. even if you don't have time to buy them, it comes in a bag. you can just buy it and bring it home." so i said, "okay! i'll buy all of them." ​

02/05/2025 i was on the subway today and there was a person standing in front of me. they seemed so happy, i wanted to be like them. it didn't look like the type of happy where something good happens to you and you can't contain your excitement. their happiness seemed like it was coming from the inside. a naturally happy, optimistic person.

sometimes i think i get why people want to die. when i'm watching a show or reading a book that's really vivid, i have to skip to the end first. i need to know what happens, or else i can't go through the story in peace. when you kill yourself, you know what happens. you know how you die. and you find out what happens after you die. anyways, what i'm trying to say is that, in life, you can't skip to the end and then relive it from the beginning, with knowledge of everything. you can only "end."

i'd rather know the truth and be sad, than be happy with a lie. ​

02/06/2025

1. everyone goes to heaven. if this is the case, it doesn't matter how many "bad" things you do.
2. some people go to heaven. then you have to ask, what is the criteria to go? and if you don't go to heaven, where do you go? if you were God, how would you decide?
3. reincarnation. living on this earth is very hard – to be forced into a cycle of living, with no end to it, seems bleak. like you're stuck in a "limbo" state. secondly, if you are born into unfortunate circumstances, like illness or war, it seems unfair to say that the reason is because of whatever you did in a past life, that you have no knowledge of.
4. nothing.

​ 02/12/2025

​ 02/23/2025

​ 03/01/2025 today was the first time in a long time that i left my house for fun. i couldn't even find my wallet, it's been so long. i went to a closet sale with 0479 and 0506. i was the 9th person in line. ​

03/02/2025 yesterday i noticed a red mark on my shoe as i was walking up the stairs to take the subway. today i wore a different pair of shoes, but as i was taking the same route, i noticed the same red mark. it was not there when i left the house. is it a bad omen? there must be a logical explanation. or maybe it is just a reminder that my period is coming. ​

03/09/2025 there are many people who have shown me kindness that i cannot repay. it is hard to meet new people, because there are so many people i already know, and i don't talk to them enough. ​

03/13/2025 what is a friend? is it someone that you talk to a lot? if that's the case, i don't think that i can have a lot of friends, because i can't talk to so many people. if i don't talk to someone in a long time, then i feel like we're not that close anymore. but i would really like to be able to stay friends with people without talking to them for a long time. is that selfish? the thing is, if i haven't talked to someone in a long time, in my head we might still be friends... but the other person could think we're not friends anymore. ​

03/15/2025

​ 03/27/2025 if i have to pick between losing sleep or taking a cold shower, then i will pick the cold shower. i never thought i'd actually have to make this choice, but this week i took cold showers at home. my feet were about to lose feeling in there. i could have showered at work, but i'd have to wake up an hour early to go to the office (even earlier to wash my hair...) ​

03/30/2025 at church there was a guest speaker. he asked, "what is your dream?" my first thought was no sickness, no pain, no loved ones leaving too soon. he went on, "people usually say a good job, a house, a family." i think i am too worried that i will lose what i currently have. my dream is maintaining. ​

03/2025

​ 04/06/2025 i dreamed that polyvore was back and i was using it again, debating whether to make a new account or stay on my old one. ​

04/11/2025 i dreamed about a form i couldn't find on turbotax. ​

04/13/2025 today me and 0427 went to the syd mead: future pastime exhibit and ate desserts at mercado little spain.

​ 04/16/2025 i didn't have time for lunch. i saw a person on the subway who was hungry, but i kept my lunch because i wanted to eat it for dinner. how much should you give? how much should you take? ​

04/22/2025 unfortunately i just like to do things myself... i have spellcheck turned off, i've been filling out tax forms by hand, i like using my own pictures in designs. some tools are too mainstream now, i think the point of my art is to make stuff that others can't. ​

04/23/2025 0417 told me she was leaving. strangely, i felt better even though i was sad. even if you have to leave the country, it will be okay at the end of the day. ​

04/24/2025 it was 0514's last day. almost hitting the two year mark... we're at that stage.

​ 04/26/2025 recently, i participated in interviewing interns. i learned a few things:

• product design is not like software engineering, where it's easier to gauge if a question was successfully answered or not.
• an interview panel is necessary for hearing different opinions. it's common for interviewers to submit varying scorecards and disagree with each other.
• the biggest thing i look for is if someone seems like they would enjoy this job.

​ 04/30/2025 i dreamed i had a meeting. i didn't have time to eat. i was getting food, so i could eat during the meeting. i was one or two minutes late, it already started. no one signed up, but it was 0498 and 0406's birthday, so they prepared a special presentation. while they were talking, i was trying to find a pen and a place to sit. my earbud fell out and i was thinking, why is everything silent?

the presentation was very interactive, so when i got my earbud back, i had no idea what was happening. i saw my name on the screen. they were dividing people into groups, and calling on each person. they called on me, and i was so confused. "christina? uh, is christina out there? we can ask christina to do it." so i said, "oh sorry, i just had food in my mouth."

i got put in the inventory delivery group. i was with a girl and a guy. there was some very salty food. someone said, "oh yeah, no, you don't need to finish it. let's just count it as part of the inventory." but the girl replied, "no, i can finish it."

the guy went underneath a sink to scare us, and we went, "aaaah!" but on the way up, he hit his head. then someone came and asked, "are you okay?" and told us we shouldn't eat the salty food. i realized i was supposed to be the notetaker, but i forgot. so i got my paper and pen, but i kept messing up on the first word. what do i write? i started writing words like, expectation, occupation, labour. and that's where the dream ended. ​

05/04/2025 i finally bit the bullet and switched over my website domain to my new next.js website. it's not finished yet, but i wanted to cancel my framer subscription, which expires tomorrow. the new site is at a point where all of the content is more or less at parity with what was on framer, and i have a "work in progress" banner, so it's okay.

i've been working on this website since december 2023, although i guess you could say i've been working on it for my entire life. for the sake of my mental health, i think i needed to push the changes. i've been obsessing over it for way too long... i need to clean my apartment and go outside.

​ 05/05/2025 i started watching hoarders. i think it'd be a fun job to clean people's houses like they do on TV. there is something so american and capitalistic about this show. it says a lot about the human condition, living in these death traps we create for ourselves. it also made me realize that you really need to say something when your family or friends are blind to their problems. ​

05/09/2025 at OCAD gradex 110 with 0427.

​ 05/11/2025 at NYU ITP IMA spring show 2025 with 0427 and 0480.

​ 05/17/2025

​ 05/18/2025

​ 05/20/2025 i dreamed i was making a shadow kitty in a crowded park. ​

05/21/2025 the day has come... i have 4 weeks left on the figma education plan. i've been played in the customer acquisition strategy where you lock users in while they're students, wait for them to graduate and get a job, and then take recurring payments for the rest of their lives. not that i didn't see it coming, though, and not like the software doesn't provide value to me. ​

05/24/2025 i don't want to watch (or make) a youtube video unless it feels like a movie, or it's very useful and information-packed. or something i'd project on a wall, a video i'd play in the background.

lately, i've been listening to a lot of shoegaze and vivienne eastwood, and 0427 calls it "deep fried music." ​

05/25/2025 cut my hair and i feel more like myself. ​

05/26/2025 what does it mean to do something for the arts? for me, i think it's about the pursuit of beauty. prioritizing beauty and truth over happiness. is that why suffering exists? if i think about a beautiful movie or artwork, it's probably not entirely happy. ​

05/31/2025

​ 06/04/2025 today we had an "AI day" at work, i sat through many sessions. in the morning, we used gemini canvas. i made this drawing tool and subsequently got distracted by it for the rest of the day.

​ 06/05/2025 recently, i got an email that one of my old instagram accounts was logged into from an unknown location. i thought the account was deactivated, but everything was public, so i wanted to login and make it private.

i remembered my password, but after getting in, i was stuck at a screen prompting me to add my birthday. everytime i submitted it, an error occurred – "sorry, there was a problem. please try again," blocking me from accessing the rest of my account.

i found a similar reddit post from a few months ago, with 81 comments, but there was no definitive solution. i tried on multiple devices, browsers, and iOS versions, and there was basically no way to contact instagram support.

then i posted on blind and tagged instagram and meta. within an hour, a couple of employees commented, concerned that the app was displaying internal error messages to users. someone helped investigate and found that it was likely a rate limiting issue. so i tried again in a few days, and it worked! ​

06/06/2025

​ 06/09/2025 i want to wake up early and journal to start my day. i want to take it easy and live a diligent office worker life. let's start with 7:15am 7:30am. i am trying a silk pillowcase. we will see how it goes. ​

06/10/2025 i got up before 7:30am and played with blend modes in liquid glass for iOS. while i was waiting for the subway, i was listening to "nevermind" by the rose. the length of their new album wrld times perfectly with my commute. i felt like i was in a movie.

it was a more tiring day than usual. maybe because i woke up early, or because i talked a lot. the new hire summit is happening, so more people are in the office. i caught up with 0397 about moving, making friends, and career stuff. he said he'd always wanted to do something related to computers and software, but now that it's our job, it's not as fun anymore. we played crossword for almost an hour, and 0447 introduced us to a fun bloomberg quiz game. it's interesting to see what categories people are knowledgeable about.

back in high school, i didn't think i was good enough to be a graphic designer. i still think that i am not really suited to be one, but i have a different view on graphic design, art, and what i like. i don't know why, but i was reminded of a recent conversation with 0385, where i realized i hate following instructions.

i am thinking that in order to stay sane, you have to do at least one thing for yourself every day. also, in order to feel like yourself, it is helpful to develop some sorts of habits or routines that you can fall back on, when you don't know what to do. for me, maybe that is writing, or more broadly, making stuff. i feel most like myself when i am making stuff. ​

06/11/2025 today me and 0427 drew a big picture, which gave me an idea. for our housewarming, we could put up big papers on the walls for people to draw on, and 0482 thinks we can do shoe bingo. maybe we can do a friday evening, but keep it small and lowkey. my list is already 9 people! am i forgetting anyone?

i am going to try to draw one face a day in my CDG notebook. for the past two days, i have been waking up early to have some time for myself before i go to work. i haven't been doing it long enough to have any substantial insights, but i feel like it is good because my brain works best at the start of the day. i used to want to wake up early to do work, but it is nice to prioritize some of that time for my own stuff, so that i'm not coming home tired and giving my side projects "leftover" time. but if i don't manage the time well, i might spend too much time on my own thing and be late to work, especially if i'm trying to finish something or get to a clean stopping point.

i have been finding myself more tired at the end of the day though – but then i do things like read, clean my twitter bookmarks, and go on are.na. that kind of open ended exploring is what lead me to discover some forgotten journal entries from 2022, which i updated my website with this morning. ​

06/12/2025 a job is a job, but i think i have a good one. this morning i got up at 7:40 and read CAPS LOCK. then i went to work. i had a lot of testing to do, and small design items to wrap up, and messages to follow up on, so it was not boring and felt productive. i talked to 0478 about the icon i was putting off for a long time, but i realized it was a good thing that i put it off, because we had just removed the icon from a different design. and he said i did not have to design a light and solid variant, which i thought i did! i got some design feedback and learned about HSL and the i keyboard shortcut in figma.

after lunch, i talked to 0482 about oklou, lorde, aladdin, bad bunny, and matt champion. then i tried to join a meeting, but google meet was down. i thought it was the office wifi at first, but then i saw others' messages. after 10 minutes, we ended up meeting on slack.

oh, and my delete key stopped working. i think something got stuck under it. that was very concerning, because i don't even use my work computer that much, and i don't want to get a new one. and that key is very important! what if that happened to my personal computer? i might cry. but anyways, i just shook my computer a bit and it's fine now.

on the way home, i saw 0303 at grand central. i was listening to "summer 17" by elijah waters and jeshi. i was thinking about how you can easily forget things when they're hidden in your files and not taking up physical space. and thinking, are people like that? once they move away (or you move), they exist on your phone. is it easier to forget them? ​

06/19/2025 these days, me and 0427 are drawing pokémon from memory.

​ 06/21/2025 i dreamed i was at a school i didn't recognize. we were about to go on a multi-day trip. a girl complimented my shoes, and that's when i realized i was wearing two different shoes by accident. on my left, rick owens converse. on my right, stüssy converse one stars. no wonder i was having trouble walking.

worried i'd have to survive a long trip with this shoe situation, i called my mom. i described my converse to her, and hurriedly asked if she'd be able to bring the missing pair before our bus started to leave. ​

06/22/2025 it's been 10 days since i last wrote. last week i stopped waking up early. i was editing my recent shoe pickups video after work, which kept me up. on tuesday, i really didn't want to go into the office, but i decided to go in after doing some work in the morning, right in time to deliver my 30 second spiel during a lunchtime meeting i had joined 5 minutes late on my phone. there were a lot of people, i had some impromptu collaboration sessions with our design systems team. 0416 was here too. the days are blurring together, so i forget exactly when...

we went to NEW INC DEMO2025 yesterday with 0416, 0417, and 0482.

i bought a book, if cats disappeared from the world, and finished it. 0427 didn't like the writing style. it's very simplistic, almost like a children's book. it's funny because i'm drawn to this style of writing now – plainly written, easy to read, short. i almost think about books like movies now. i prefer to read them in one sitting, because if it's spread out across days, i'll forget what happened in the beginning. it's different from when i was younger, i loved reading long books. i knew they would last, so i wouldn't have to think about what to read next as soon. and i liked carrying a thick book, continually beating my previous records of "longest book i've read."

anyways, i'm going to read a little life now. it's much longer. i don't know if i can finish it today. i would like to work towards understanding japanese or korean, so i can read books in other languages. but maybe i should start with chinese? i have three body problem in chinese.

this morning it was raining. we watched predictive history videos on the israel-palestine conflict. my dad was supposed to be back in canada by now, but his flights kept getting cancelled. yesterday US declared war on iran. war is a really scary thing – destruction can happen so fast, but what am i supposed to do? well... the internet was invented because of war, right? i don't know if there is a conclusion to take away from this.

i'm staring at a corner of my bathroom now and it's particularly dirty. even though i live in a small apartment, i'm sure there are many places i've let dust and grime pile up. it's only when i notice it and decide i have the time to do something about it, that i'll clean it up. and then months will pass, and it'll get dirty again.

i wonder if this is gonna go on my website. it's gonna be long, if that's the case. some part of the world is always in the back of my head. is it okay for me to do what i want, is it okay for me to pursue joy, beauty, knowledge, when people are suffering? for now, i will try to keep living my life and improving that of those around me.

0427 surprised me with a phone case today, it's the prettiest phone case i've ever seen. ​

06/25/2025 yesterday it was 39°C, and we watched i'm a cyborg, but that's OK until 3am. this morning at 8am, we got a really heavy ikea delivery and lugged it up the stairs. then i went to work, while 0427 stayed at home. when i came back, he had built both the bookshelf and the bathroom storage cart. i was so happy! we ate banh mi while watching a video of anh sungjae, jung jisun, and lim taehoon. i really like the way they talk about their craft.

then i organized papers, ones that have piled up over two years. rent statements, visa documents, stuff like that. i am going to bring some of it to the office tomorrow for paper shredding. 0427 assembled the bedframe and the bedside stand.

i discovered that i can change the setting for displaying time on my lock screen. the default numeral system is western arabic, but there are many others, such as meitei, odia, devanagari, kannada, and more. at work, i couldn't stop thinking about it. are these numerals so common that apple decided to invest in them, specifically for showing the time, outside of the regular phone language settings? and if so, who in the world? where? how popular are iphones there? would people really go out of their way to customize the numbers just for the time?

from my research so far, these numeral systems are used, but nowhere talks about the time use case specifically. i assume it was designed with time in mind though – because languages like chinese and japanese also have other characters for numbers, but they use western arabic numerals for things like time. but, roman numerals are traditionally used in watches and clocks, and iOS does not support that. so there must be a difference in the usage? also, i haven't seen any watches with meitei numerals, so how common is it really?

anyways, now i must go tend to my work devices. i got a new computer, because my delete key was a little messed up on my old one, and now i have to transfer all my files! i'm going to canada next week, and i don't want to bring three computers there.

​ 06/26/2025 it was a beautiful morning, the wind was on my face. when i was getting off the subway, i saw the same person i saw yesterday, ahead of me on the escalator. they have a bloomberg backpack with an llama keychain. i had lunch in the office, we talked about number systems and when to use the term "this" vs. "that". we expensed dinner at NONONO – it was also a goodbye for 0482 and 0516. at home, i called 0385 and talked about her dates. ​

06/29/2025 after 0112's church, we had pizza at north of brooklyn, sitting across from 0517 and 0518. we talked about ages, siblings, and this website that guesses your accent. then we took the subway with 0519. we were going to cowork at daybreak, but they had just finished demos. 0520 and 0491 were getting us all to go to 0521's goodbye party at coronation park. we stopped at bb.q chicken on the way, and talked to 0522 who is moving to NYC in a couple months!

at the park, me and 0427 walked along the water. we played with a volleyball and three frisbees, and then ubered with 0385 and 0507 back to her place. me and 0385 finally exchanged gifts and i was really happy about the yoshitomo nara notebooks! we looked at dating apps, and i worked on my sticker video.

on the way home, we decided to stop and eat cold noodles and sapporo with edamame. but there was a huge car accident – four vehicles and two hospitalized. (hope they're okay.) so we ended up getting home around 12am. super sleepy... ​

06/30/2025 i used to be precious about my stickers. i want to save them. but what am i saving them for? isn't it better if i can put them on items, so that i can enjoy them everytime i use it? if i kept saving them, they would pile up and never see the light of day.

​ 07/04/2025 catching a cockroach.

​ 07/05/2025 took a nap on the couch and dreamed that i made a youtube video about getting surgery. when i woke up in the dream, there were comments from my medical team accusing me of not informing them about the video, even though we had previously discussed it over email. a paralegal that i know IRL was involved. ​

07/06/2025 i've never really considered myself a "movie person." when people make a reference to a scene, or quote a line in conversation, there's usually a good chance i don't know what's going on. i've still never seen titanic, forrest gump, or inception. but recently, i decided to catalog movies i've seen, mostly based on historical records such as journal entries or email exchanges. it's not an attempt to document a complete list of all the movies i've ever watched, more so a collection of stories i want to remember, that can grow and change over time.

​ 07/09/2025 i dreamed i was working at wonderland again. the location was coasters, but we were serving food like marketplace buffet. one of my staff said they were bored of tamarac, and i did a double take. i didn't know they were contracting part-time for a wealth management software solution.

i was in either grade 12, or the last year of university. i hadn't been there in a long time, so i forgot what digits to press to start my shift, before entering my employee ID. i let others use the phone first. i didn't recognize most people anymore, except some supervisors. but they seemed to know me, or know of me. i was thinking about when i was going to permanently leave. a little extra money was nice, but i'd rather have the extra time to work on art and my own projects.

0230 and 0243 were still there. somehow, i also knew 0315 was there, even though i didn't see him. 0243 came by, and said to put a white sticker on the safe, to signal if we were doing okay. the safe was bigger than usual – someone was sleeping in there. for some reason, the fryers were at the front, where guests could see. ​

07/10/2025 accidentally started a 10 day movie streak. ​

07/13/2025 i dreamed i was drawing tunnel entrances on a paper in blue marker pen with 0427 and 0461. on the first page, the tubes were all different. on the next page, i was trying to figure out the transitions inside. we were debating whether to use dropdown or radio buttons. ​

07/14/2025 on one million yen girl

i cried when she was leaving the peach farm and reading her brother's letter

​ 07/15/2025 on tamala 2010: a punk cat in space

this is like a group project in art school where the teacher randomly assigns everyone – one person only does 3D rendering, the other wants to do branding and packaging for their graphic design portfolio, and the illustrator is carrying the group. luckily, the last guy is a DJ and everything somehow comes together at the last minute.

​ 07/17/2025 when we left the figma event, i started feeling like i was going to pass out in the elevator. as soon as we got out, i sat down on the floor. 0479 got me water, and 0427 was fanning me. then we went outside, but it was too hot, so we stopped at the lego store. i started seeing black dots and thought i was going to pass out, so i sat down again. some tourists noticed me and poured me water into a brand new harry potter cup.

i felt better, so we started walking to the subway. i didn't want to take an uber, because i was scared to get carsick. but we went to the wrong station, and walking up the stairs made me want to sit down again. so we sat in a park, and there was a girl also sitting in front of us. a stranger came up to her and started flirting with her. he was a doctor, and she was a lawyer specializing in pharmaceuticals. they joked about getting her a green card, because she was from australia.

then we took the subway home, and i have been on the floor ever since. i threw up twice, and now i feel better. ​

07/20/2025 cried twice on the plane. first at the end of paris, texas and second on page 152 of a little life. went to santa monica pier and finally had japadog. also esquite with hot cheeto pieces. it was a lot colder than expected, so i bought a hoodie from A&F.

​ 07/21/2025 woke up at 6am and went to ralph's. (i've never been to a ralph's.) got starbucks and a sandwich to save for later. watched mirrored mind during my "lunch break." took the bus for one and a half hours to koreatown for my appointment. it was my second time ever at a hair salon.

1001 optical was nearby, so i went and got new glasses. i read a little life while waiting for them to fill my prescription. it was kind of an impulse buy. i don't know if i like them. bussed back. then my old glasses broke.

0427 and i ate at the pho place near the hotel. the TV displaying their pho menu was not working, so it looked like there was no pho on the menu. ​

07/22/2025 starbucks again. watched fried dragon fish. got the date picker component updates i worked on included in our release notes! ubered to dover street market. walked to little tokyo. bought a choo choo cat keychain, blythe doll stickers & postcards, and jo yuri's new album. saw the public art cube i had researched. ate at a noodle place with 0427 because i thought they had mazesoba, but it wasn't on the menu anymore. had mille crepe for dessert. ​

07/23/2025 starbucks again. watched claire's camera. my first hong sang soo film. i'm not sure yet if i like his style or not. design review meeting was surprisingly productive. took a waymo to abbot kinney. bought glasses from jins. tried on jeans at madewell because of a girl i saw on the subway in new york. got the last pair of XS adidas breakaway pants that i was trying to find unsuccessfully when we were in toronto. read a little life at intelligentsia.

ubered to bao in beverly hills. talked to the uber driver about his kids, our generation and school, and waymos. dinner with azuki. got bacio di latte. on the way to the comedy store, 0527's car got rear-ended. we still made it there, got our bags checked and everything, but ended up not going inside. ​

07/24/2025 starbucks again. watched april story. my least favourite shunji iwai movie so far. spent most of the day researching glasses stores while i was supposed to be working. took the bus. the first store had a good selection, but didn't do same day prescription. the second store had nothing. the third store didn't have a good selection. at the fourth store, the owner tried to fix my old glasses by replacing the arm for $20. it's still slightly slanted on my face, but wearable. returned the glasses from jins.

took a waymo to sawtelle. finally ate mazemen with 0427. got 7 miles bubble tea, and they gave us a free one. ​

07/25/2025 starbucks again. watched ghost soup. went to azuki office. waymo'd to melrose. got my third pair of new rock boots from posers. and a CDG sweater from wasteland. waited for 0427 while eating ubatuba acai. we ate at kinari sushi and watched turnstile: never enough at braindead studios.

overheard:

• a long story about getting a DUI and having to take the bus
• "ozzy osbourne died, hulk hogan died. i'm like, what's going on?"
• "she gave her ex-boyfriend my guest list spot for coachella, so..."

​ 07/26/2025 museum of motion pictures, the grove, potato pizza at the brandy melville cafe, materialists at westfield century city, meizhou dongpo, waymo'd home.

​ 07/27/2025 thinking about how books can show kids what kind of jobs exist. i never read a book about a product designer as a kid. but then again, wasn't i mostly reading books about teenagers and students?

watched ghost in the shell and packed. ate at kazu nori. bought the philosophy of andy warhol from barnes and noble. went to the airport. ​

07/29/2025 in my dream, i open my laptop to figma. my frames have been edited, i zoom in to take a closer look. "SUBSCRIBE TO ACCESS." buttons fill up my screen, one for each frame. subscribe to access? what does that mean? we already pay for figma.

i'm on slack. on the left, a stack of unread channels. a channel, hackers-incident, catches my eye, but i first go to my team and start typing.

hey guys, something's wrong with figma. i can't edit anything, it says i need to subscribe?

immediately after hitting send, everything in the channel disappears. i'm realizing now, before my slack got wiped, the profile pictures i saw looked different, too. i go back to figma, where i can still see the version history. some of the photos match up. i'm racking my brain on where to contact my team members. should i message my product manager on linkedin? should i ask my friends on imessage?

i'm sure the security team will handle it. i sit on the couch. i guess i don't have to work today.

​ 07/30/2025 i went to the dentist today and it was so cool. it was my first time getting my teeth cleaned in the US. i've been putting it off for basically two years. they were playing the great british bakeoff and stuck a camera in my mouth. you can really just put a camera anywhere. i could see the pictures of my teeth in real time, on a window overlaying the netflix tab. i found out there's a chip in one of my back teeth. never would have seen that. and i need to floss better in the back. but other than that, everything looks good. ​

08/01/2025 on love letter

there is always more to know – like who you were before we met, how it was love at first sight, why we choose to stay in a house that is falling apart. shunji iwai's characters are never-ending puzzles, like people are in real life.

​ 08/02/2025 i dreamed i was trying to make friends at a coffee shop in a mall. 0001 was there, too. and i had to study for a math exam. at home, we had a plant with many leaves, but we couldn't take care of it, so we had to get rid of it. ​

08/03/2025 went golfing at five iron. drank soju behind trader joe's with 0411. we missed our subway stop because we were talking. a stranger commented on my vivienne westwood sneakers matching my shirt. then we danced at 0531's party. ​

08/05/2025 i was on the subway when two girls got on the train and sat next to me. one of them pointed at my keychain and said, "is that usahana?" i love that usahana is getting recognized now.

changing your life is easy. move countries. quit your job. break up. have a kid. go back to school. or all of the above.

what's hard is changing your life when everything is the same. no major life event. no "moment that changed everything." experimenting with how to live every day, within your constraints. shifting your mindset, while maintaining your responsibilities. forming habits. taking it slow. making things that build up over time. ​

08/06/2025 two days ago, i dreamed that 0395 was leaving work for three months to volunteer at a cree site. he informed us all via email.

last night, i dreamed i was in a meeting on my computer, while my parents were in the room talking to me. i told them, "wait, give me a few more minutes," without realizing i wasn't muted. 0462 said, "we could hear you arguing with your mom the whole time," but not in a mean way. then, me and 0427 had to sneak out of the house for a school assignment.

today, i realize that i must have dreamed that 0427 got the same phone case as me, because he doesn't.

​ 08/08/2025 i dreamed me and 0427 were on a reality show for making friends. we were transported to the filming site in a van, and i was asleep for most of it.

when i woke up, our first task occurred inside a bar with a lot of sunlight. there were large info cards about every participant, and we had to walk around and pick up the cards of people we were interested in. there were 20 men and 20 women. i didn't know there was a time limit, so i barely got to see the last few cards.

then we sat around the counter and the host asked us how many cards we had picked up. "how many people here have more than five cards? more than seven? eight?"

i looked down and counted 25 cards in my hands. too embarrassed, i didn't say anything. that was the moment i realized this was a dating show, and not for making friends.

i saw something with the word "ontario" on it, and figured that we had crossed the border to enter canada while i was sleeping. but how? did i even bring my passport? i definitely hadn't taken it out, but perhaps it was in my backpack. it only took us 5 hours to drive here, so we definitely weren't in toronto...

we split up into smaller cars to head to our next activity, which was group performances. me and 0427 sat in the back of a car with three other asian ladies. we started guessing each others' ages. i thought the women were in their thirties, but they all laughed and said various numbers in the fifties. i was surprised. (we were 23 and 24.) i was wondering why we got cast. how did i miss that this was a dating show? i thought they told us it was okay for us to come on this show together.

during our performance, there was a black background with a single word starting with the letter 'p' in a typewriter-like font, and shining rainbow confetti. i remember saying i liked the set. another group of younger girls performed wearing curly blonde wigs. it felt really different from us. somehow, i don't think anyone practiced, but we all knew what to do.

at the end of the day, someone said happy birthday to 0427 and i realized i forgot it was his birthday, even though we were together the whole day. ​

08/09/2025

​ 08/10/2025 i think my life could be categorized by periods of obsession.

• 2000s: books
• 2013-2016: polyvore
• 2017-2019: wonderland
• 2019-2022: design internships
• 2023-2025: archiving my life
• now: movies

if you knew me for a short period of time, i'm probably characterized by whatever obsession i had. if you've known me for longer, you might realize i'm just obsessive.

what counts as an obsession? there are other things i've always liked to do, like making playlists and buying shoes. maybe there's a difference between an obsession and something you need to survive. music, that's something i can't live without. ​

08/12/2025 i'm so happy the movie swallowtail butterfly exists. shunji iwai and noboru shinoda making a movie in english, japanese, and chinese, with chara in a rock band. ​

08/14/2025 changing the background colour of a section in figma and remembering i had a dream about people asking me why i do that. and i had to explain i don't want to use the figma default background colour because it will be hard to distinguish between the section and the rest of the file. and i can't use white, because it will blend in with the designs in the section that are in light mode.

later in the day, i was talking to 0385 about her new CD player and remembered my dream about switching to apple music. i was very surprised about the noticeable difference in sound quality. it must have been a dream, because i haven't tried apple music in real life. ​

08/15/2025 today's notes

• i think i like artists because they are not afraid to steer from societal norms to do what they want.
• first cockroach spotted in washroom after taking a shower. now i need to be careful about closing the drains, especially in the summer.
• felt like my dad today when i was on the phone for almost an hour, trying to lower the cost of my monthly internet.

​ 08/16/2025 i had a dream, but it's too deep now. i don't know how to pull it out, all i remember is white surrounding and black figures. ​

08/17/2025 notes from conversation with 0427 and 0494.

why being an angel investor seems like a great job if you are very rich, you can basically choose what you want to see in the world. take elon musk for example, he is just some guy interested in space travel. but he is so rich, that he can afford to create an entire company dedicated to this.

angel investing seems like a step below that. there might be products out there that you would like to see more of in the world. by helping fund them, you are also in a way, contributing to how you want the world to be, by keeping them alive. and you have some sort of stake in the company, through your monetary contribution, so usually you can help influence the company and the direction they're going towards, which in turn could be beneficial for you.

here's another example i just thought of. it's very common for rich people to donate to medical research. but often they are donating for a specific type of illness, probably because a relative or they themself suffered from this illness. so it's kind of self-serving, you're funding this research so it can help you stay alive. of course by doing so, you are also helping all the other people who may be suffering from this illness. but this isn't the best example, because with donations, people are not expecting a monetary return on an investment. i just thought it would help illustrate the point of how investing in things can benefit the investor.

but also, saying something like "i want to be an angel investor" is kind of just like saying "i want to be rich." ​

08/20/2025 i dreamed that most of the lights wouldn't turn on, but i could still see. it wasn't pitch black – the light from closed windows was coming in. then i was at a cafe, talking with 0026 and 0427. 0026 had a makeup artist who wasn't really doing her job and left. i was distracted by a bookshelf near our table, it had magazines about bands.

59 movies it has been one month and twenty days since starting my movie streak. i will stop the streak when:

• i reach 100 movies
• i reach 3 months
• or i don't feel like continuing anymore (whichever comes first)

at my current rate of 1.15 movies per day, it will take approximately 87 days to watch 100 movies. the total number of days in july, august, and september is 92. so if i want to finish by the end of september, i need to watch more than one movie per day. ​

08/21/2025 i dreamed i was in the very first house i lived in. 0025, my mom, and 0467 were all in the bathroom upstairs. me and 0025 both had to pee, so she stayed there while i went to my bedroom. somehow, there was a toilet in the middle of the room. 0025 had tried to flush a pink sticker book, unsuccessfully. i was thinking about taking it out. ​

08/22/2025 yesterday i was falling asleep while watching the 12 day tale of the monster that died in 8. during the scene where he ripped the monster apart, i blinked and dreamed of uis breaking in half, and blood coming out of buttons and menus. then i was getting marshmallow ice cream with 0427. 0303 was supposed to meet us, since it was near his place. but he came downstairs and looked worried, saying he made a mistake and broke something in prod, so he couldn't join us.

today i watched love exposure. i had no idea this image was from the movie. i think i saw it on pinterest two years ago and used it for a playlist cover without knowing.

​ 08/24/2025 65 movies i decided i will try to stop the streak after 100 movies. this means i have 35 movies left. i'd like to watch more movies directed by hirokazu kore-eda, darren aronofsky, hideaki anno, alfred hitchcock, and with yu aoi and nana komatsu. i'm also trying to finish the rest of shunji iwai's feature-length films – i've watched 14 so far.

on after life

when you think about your life as a whole, it's natural to paint in broad strokes, trying to get a fuller picture. by forcing yourself to pick only one memory, you slowly let the details come to you. there's no rush to summarize everything in a few days… you spend your time just thinking about the moment.

the scene with the girl remembering her mom's scent as her head was on her lap reminded me of elementary school, at our first house, waiting for my mom to come home from work. the door opening, her cold scarf, orange dark chocolate. it's things like that, too mundane to write down when it happens, but somehow you still remember it years later.

​ 08/25/2025 i dreamed about a dance competition. i was doing a duet with 0136 and our costumes were red. after, 0468 asked me why i was crying. i said it was because this was the last time we'd ever dance like this. ​

08/26/2025 on cutie honey

my type of superhero movie <3

​ 08/27/2025 i dreamed it was near the end of the day on friday. i forgot i was going on vacation next week. suddenly in slack all my channels were auto-renamed, appending "vacation" and strings of numbers at the start, obscuring my view of the channel names. it threw me off and i was late for my meeting. i was trying to join on my computer, but then i saw that all the participants were in my house. it was supposed to be a design review, but the engineers couldn't make it due to an incident. ​

08/29/2025 i dreamed about an important meeting that i was preparing for. it only lasted a few minutes and i didn't get what i needed. my team members said it was okay, though.

in real life, i woke up and the same meeting was in two hours. but suddenly i had a lot of stomach pain and nausea, and i was sweating a lot. so i didn't know if i could still make the meeting. ​

08/30/2025

​ 09/01/2025 81 movies too many movies!!! i made a spreadsheet of all the movies i want to watch. i still think it will be good to force myself to stop at 100 movies to think critically about how i'm spending my time. but i'll probably still be watching a lot of movies.

yesterday we watched the new-ish greta gerwig barbie movie, and i changed my profile picture on letterboxd. it's courtney from the 2006 movie the barbie diaries. i've been wanting to change my avatar to a movie reference, and this is probably the first movie i remember really being a fan of. i had the DVD, which came with a behind-the-scenes recording with skye sweetnam, the singing voice of barbie, and i thought she was the coolest person ever. i guess i've always liked girls in bands.

​ 09/02/2025 i dreamed of falling asleep while writing an exam. 0132 borrowed my notebook, and i couldn't find it. ​

09/03/2025 on ringing bell

where has this movie been all my life

​ 09/05/2025 0495 took us to hanmoto, where we sat eating miso ice cream, watching the stray cat get fed.

​ 09/06/2025 on the way to revue cinema to watch out of sight with 0112.

​ 09/07/2025 on your name.

kuchikamizake trip scene was out of this world, and there is a beautiful shot for every season of the year in this movie – i'm still thinking about the dew on the spiderweb and the snowfall...

​ 09/08/2025 88 movies right now i have 214 rows of movies in my "to watch" spreadsheet, and i ended my crunchyroll premium free trial yesterday. there are 12 movies left in my streak. for the remaining movies, i am going to watch the ones i want to watch the most. except tomorrow and wednesday, i think i will pick shorter movies since i am going to concerts after work. ​

09/09/2025 SE SO NEON at brooklyn steel.

​ 09/10/2025 the hellp at webster hall.

​ 09/11/2025 things i like enough to do by myself

• go on my computer
• shopping
• watch movies
• go to concerts

​ 09/12/2025 i dreamed about the first house i grew up in. there were two couches. my dad was taking a nap facing the TV, and 0026 was sitting with her back to the window. i was taking off stickers on my laptop.

​ 09/13/2025 96 movies i have 4 more movies left!!! i am thinking about what to do with this channel after the streak. originally i was just going to leave it up for archival purposes, but now that it has a couple of followers i am wondering if i should continue adding blocks. plus, there are so many movies i wanted to watch that couldn't make it in the 100.

perhaps i will add some blocks to mark the beginning and end of the streak. i'd like to also add some movies watched prior to the streak, that initially contributed to my interest. and then i'll continue logging movies i've watched here. i've seen some people dedicate periods of time to watching movies based on themes, like a certain decade or director. maybe i'll do that. a benefit of tracking this in are.na (and not just letterboxd) is that i can use the are.na figma plugin to easily get all the movies posters into figma.

​ 09/15/2025 i dreamed i was watching a movie with 0427 and his siblings. 0532 was sitting on the crash baggage. someone was trying on outfits, looking in the mirror. it reminded me of ‎uncle boonmee who can recall his past lives.

on the screen, a young girl was being abused. in the last scene, her family is talking about moving, while she's in her room. she shoots herself and her grandma in the head. they put the bedsheet over their heads, and it puffs up, turning inside out and disappearing into her shirt. only the girl is left, but she has no more cuts and bruises. the camera zooms into her shirt, revealing a print of her and her grandma. they're playing on a beach. ​

09/16/2025 on where is the friend's house?

the feeling of nervously waiting for your teacher to check your homework – a forgotten memory i experienced again through this film... kiarostami captures the world of an 8 year old so matter-of-factly, but it's also not far from how things are, even when you're an adult. everyone has their own agenda, you're surrounded by different expectations, and you have to figure things out on your own.

taste of cherry was the first kiarostami film i watched, and this was the second. i was surprised at the similarity in the narrative structure of both films, which follow a singular character on a search for something, detailing their encounters on the way. i'll have to watch more of his films to see if this pattern continues!

where is the friend's house? marks the 100th film in my daily streak, which i started on july 1, 2025. about halfway through, i decided that i would stop the streak once i hit 100. i picked this film to end on because it's part of a trilogy and i haven't seen the other two films yet. so even though my streak is ending, it doesn't mean i'll stop watching movies.

​ 09/17/2025 i dreamed 0299 cut in line for food and i got mad at him. it was burgers. i said me and 0427 were going to miss our flight, but we still ate together. then i apologized for yelling and gave him my leftovers. my dad was waiting in the car to drive us to the airport. 0427 was in the bathtub, but he wasn't taking a bath. i think he was trying to fix something. ​

09/18/2025 i dreamed 0406 was hiring a new candidate who was interested in AI-assisted development. they were making a horizontally scrolling website, which was projected on the walls of my apartment. i had to some kind of drawing homework, but i couldn't think of what to draw. ​

09/20/2025

got me thinking, would you rather

• live in a different country and be able to travel almost everywhere
• or stay in the US but you can't travel outside for a few years

but it turned out to be just a regular weekend scare for your average US alien... ​

09/21/2025 on memoir of a snail

if hoarders was an animated stop motion movie that made me cry

​ 09/24/2025 woke up at 4:01am to do work. went to are.na event, saw 0533 and 0490. met a person who did a cool card trick. went to junior varsity concert after, but i was so sleepy that we just got merch and left. ​

09/27/2025 on dolls

came for yohji yamamoto's costume design, stayed for sawako and matsumoto… did not expect to connect with them straight from their first scene together and end up crying so much. and you can really feel there is a lot of care put into the composition – if i could print a movie and stick it on my wall, i would with dolls

​ 09/30/2025 in shigaraki with 0399 and 0427.

​ 10/01/2025 in kibune.

​ 10/04/2025 right now on the plane from osaka to singapore. i like the MOMOMAG from peach aviation. i really want to get into making zines. at junkudo, i was looking at zipper and egg. i like the way they fit all the outfits – where they're from, photos, text. when i'm on vacation, i go shopping. i think i could make a good report of what's in stores. miu miu x new balance, sacai x carhartt, the dark olive matte silver colourway of puma speedcat, white mostro mid, dr. martens buzz, denim af1s... okay, this is mostly shoes.

future i've been thinking about the routing of my website. i want to make the path URLs look cleaner. will that mess up anything with RSS? good thing my website still says "in progress." i will work on it in singapore.

i am technically out of office, but there are a few things i need to do for work. we are landing around 1am sunday, which is 1pm saturday ET. so i can probably do stuff on monday or sunday? sunday 9pm is sunday 9am, and monday 9am is sunday 9pm. maybe i should do it on monday.

today 0399 asked me where i'd go in japan next time. i said maybe kobe or nara, since we didn't get to go this time... kobe has dorsia and mount rokko, and nara has deers (although i am a bit scared). i also wanted to start paying attention to where movies were filmed so that i can go there. i was looking at peach flights in their zine, and saw okinawa. that would be fun – we had okinawa food last time and it was really good. plus part of all about lily chou chou was in okinawa. ​

10/08/2025 just got the best service of my life at a yakun… the grandpa telepathically knew i needed napkins and waved bye bye to us. ​

10/10/2025 playing hues and cues.

​ 10/16/2025 first one up the walking side of the escalator out of a packed subway... i feel powerful. ​

10/17/2025 i dreamed i was in a house full of ceramics with 0025. we were looking at stacked sets of bowls on the shelves and taking pictures of blue flowers. my dad warns us that a "flower police" is coming, so we start running. she is a japanese girl in a school uniform chasing us, but somehow i don't feel like we'll be caught. ​

10/20/2025 today, they announced the hackathon winners! as i secretly hoped, my team won an award… it's only $1500, but the prize pool is significantly larger than past hackathons. it's a special type of satisfaction - starting from a feature that i've been selfishly wanting in the back of my mind for a year, but not something easily prioritized day-to-day. it was my first time doing this without a formal product manager, so i think there were areas i could have improved, but because of that i also learned a lot. ​

10/23/2025 obviously you can't turn off your brain when you leave work. it's not like severance. you go home and tell your partner about your day, you have an idea in the shower, you remember something you forgot to do in the middle of the night (or at least i do). ​

10/25/2025 strangers i've seen on the subway more than once bloomberg alpaca keychain clean af1 ponytail girl man in clairo t-shirt ​

10/26/2025 at dover street market NYC.

​ 10/29/2025 on the perfect neighbor

didn't expect to cry over bodycam footage. in the past, my friend had a neighbour who would call the police almost every time people came over. we weren't doing anything wrong, just playing outside. you could tell the cops were tired of having the same conversations, but the neighbour never gave up. i never understood why – was it out of boredom? loneliness? was it racially motivated? it's something i didn't really understand, and after watching this i can't grasp it even more.

the perfect neighbor shows a clear example of how laws systemically affect communities, perpetuate inequality, and lead to fatal consequences. ajike, we will not forget you.

​ 11/02/2025 when there is a lot of work to do, there are some things i don't do. because if i don't do it, someone else will. i have to do the work i care about, that no one else is going to do.

​ 11/08/2025 i dreamed about the gap between my two front teeth, they were growing outwards.

​ 11/09/2025 i dreamed about visiting gradex. i saw a small hand-drawn p5.js project, and a two hour looping slideshow because there was no space to show everything individually. someone made a pink furry bag with two blue stars for eyes. i was walking around with my friends and we came across an interactive drawing installation where three markers were used at once. over the intercom, we heard a robot speech-to-text voice.

on happyend

we live in cities where new technology is layered on top of old systems – a high school subwoofer club, cameras detecting your every movement, filling visa documents by hand, the earth's crust moving underneath it all

​ 11/10/2025 on aloners

i cried

​ 11/11/2025 i dreamed that i woke up early and went to a shoe store with my mom. later i met up with my dad, then i texted 0385 while taking the subway back to summer camp. i'm a bit late to breakfast, everyone is already eating. there's newspaper on the table and when we finish, we have to put away our plates. 0026 is on food waste duty, and there's a recycling bin at the back.

during running practice, i pass by 0012 who is waiting for the bus. i catch up to 0011 and 0002 who are up on the grass. i use all my upper body strength to pull myself up. 0002 is watching me and laughing.

​ 11/12/2025 on minari

it's not supposed to be a scary movie, but i always felt like something bad was going to happen. the unstable life of an immigrant farmer is not easy to watch. i was always doubting if people could be trusted.

after watching this, i had a dream that the son fell in a sewer.

​ 11/13/2025 i saw angel's egg yesterday! i've been wanting to watch it for a while but waited for the 4K restoration in theatres and it was worth it. i had high expectations for everything and it exceeded. the art really resonated with me and i liked talking to 0486 and 0427 about our interpretations at the end. ​

11/15/2025

​ 11/17/2025 retreat memories

• going to costco with 0484 and 0385
• showering in the dark after the power went out
• we're not really strangers
• playing contact in the car
• jamming to avril lavigne and ed sheeran
• demos
• bingo
• costco cranberry shortbread cookies
• 0545 and 0520 playing rock paper scissors

​ 11/18/2025 "you should be a designer" "you should be an artist"

i'm not passionate enough about art. i picked money. it's easier to make art based on stuff you personally experienced. it's hard to step outside that and imagine. put it out there. talk about things you avoid talking about. say it like it is. it's okay to not know everything, or have an answer for everything. ​

11/20/2025 on mr. 0372 just feels really unexpected. we wore shirts with his face on it. saw a reddit comment from a parent who was glad they didn't send their kid to our school because we played in a parking lot and had class in a dark warehouse. how much can you really vouch for someone? i can say with confidence that my close friends would not do something like that.

on people i always assume people have good intentions. i think that's just how i grew up, the world was kind to me. maybe life is kinda like that secret hitler game, the fascists are pretending to be liberals, and all the liberals are just normally going about their lives while the fascists have to fit in and pretend to be liberal until they slip up.

on God you can be in something without understanding or agreeing with everything fully. first principles. like you can vote for a representative without agreeing with all of their policies. here's the thing that i don't understand the most about christianity. how can God send all these people to hell?

i've heard the answer a million times. God is love, but God is also just. no one is perfect, so in his eyes everyone deserves punishment. and so it doesn't matter what you've done, as long as you believe in God, you're accepted. although i can't fully understand that, i do think that is part of what makes christianity a beautiful belief system. you don't need to "earn" your way into anything.

i think reincarnation is also quite a beautiful idea, but the thing that bothers me about reincarnation is that, you're supposed to deserve what you got reincarnated as, right? like, it's based on karma from your past life. so, let's say someone is living a really shitty life, they were just born with all the wrong cards. it seems super unfair to say, your life is probably like this because you messed up in a past life. you deserve all this pain and suffering. i don't think that's fair to say.

but why does that happen to people? i think that's just the state of this broken world. bad things happen to everyone, and some maybe more than others. it's because of people. in christianity, there is the hope that one day, the world won't be like this anymore. it'll be better.

on work in one million yen girl, suzuko changed jobs every time she saved up one million yen. i worked at wonderland for three years, but i don't even like cooking. i think i'd like to try many different things, but i end up in the same job for a long time. i have a pattern of saving up money from my main job to fund my hobbies and side projects. ​

11/21/2025 friendsgiving who is your biggest op? who will leave first? who will stay the longest? who will get married first? ​

11/22/2025 on turtles are surprisingly fast swimmers

a shenanigan-filled delight from start to finish! shoutout to the ramen shop owner who dreams of making delicious ramen, but must blend into society by making mediocre ramen

​ 11/23/2025 on fish story

bought a DVD player just to watch this

​ 11/25/2025 on survive style 5+

this slaps, forgot i used to be obsessed with japanese commercials as a kid. need more films directed by people who make advertisements that are actually interesting

​ 11/27/2025 on goth

i like that they are the same height

​ 11/28/2025

​ 12/01/2025 today we ate at jiang nan with 0488 and it was SO TASTY. came here on a whim with no expectations, but when we walked in there were michelin stickers (not a star, though). there were barely any people and the food arrived so fast. everything was delicious! the dessert and the pork slices especially. i love fusion too, i want to go back. haven't had a food experience like that in a long time. ​

12/03/2025 spotify wrapped 2025.

​ 12/05/2025 finished daily dose of sunshine (well, i stopped watching in the beginning of the last episode because HOW DO THEY END UP TOGETHER, it was so out of the blue and i was rooting for the other person...) ​

12/08/2025 i dreamed i was at a film festival with 0427 and 0486. we were going to watch a movie about yoshitomo nara. when we got in the theatre, we saw 0025, her parents, and my parents. they were all sitting separately. ​

12/09/2025 finished watching spirit fingers. ​

12/10/2025 on close up

stories can be lived by others, yourself, made-up, or somewhere in between

​ 12/11/2025 today we went to an arts and crafts bar in brooklyn. it was the same place we went last year, but a lot of things changed. 0417, 0482, and 0533 weren't there anymore, but 0546 and 0521 were. i wasn't writing and trying to draw, i picked up clay and tried to do something.

on the way there, i was with 0479 and 0526. there was a guy collapsed in the subway station with a needle next to him. we thought about calling 911, but i've never called 911 before. i went on the MTA app chat, and it said "if this is an emergency, call or text 911." so i was drafting a message, but we passed by a police car with a policeman in the front. we knocked on the window and he rolled it down. we told him about the man we saw and he said he would go check it out.

on humanist vampire seeking consenting suicidal person

kinda like if april ludgate was a quebecois vampire <3

​ 12/12/2025 social media isn't interesting anymore. work isn't interesting anymore. ​

12/16/2025 i dreamed about playing a game in my parents' house. i was wearing my shoes inside and they said we had to leave. i closed my eyes and when i woke up, there was a blue sleeping bag that i didn't sleep in, but i rolled it up anyways. in the game, there were famous korean actors and we had to drag a rope around. we also passed by blue turkeys in a row outside of a hotel. my mom made some chinese scallion pancakes that were getting cold, and i was on linkedin. 0043 was joining our team as a new UX researcher, but i was confused because she didn't ask me for a referral. ​

12/20/2025 thoughts on finding your art style

• you have to have a story you want to tell. i don't think i have one right now. maybe i can start with something small. a thought, a memory
• you must collect assets, tools, ways of thinking, over fully baked works, finished pieces – so that you can come to your own conclusion, rather than copy someone else's vision
• art is self discovery
• use your lack of skill as your advantage

​ 12/21/2025 culinary class wars season 2 i think the cultural influences of where you grew up, lived, worked are really obvious in the context of cooking. a person with diverse experiences naturally ends up producing a unique dish reflective of their background... but in this day and age it's also possible for a korean who has never travelled to france to put their own spin on a french dish and nail it.

anyways, i say this because other forms of art are also like this. it's just more visible when it comes to food.

0547 i asked 0547 what music she listens to and she said "believer" by imagine dragons (2017) and "white lie" by jhameel (2012). she was born in 2018.

back in 2017, i remember submitting a music video edit for "believer" and listening to jhameel after he was featured on hoodie allen's "no faith in brooklyn". she wasn't even born yet. ​

12/24/2025 kind of a random coincidence, but i reached 800 followers on twitter and instagram on the same day. on instagram i had the same amount for a long time, and on twitter i suddenly gained 100 in a day because of a tweet. it reminded me of my very first instagram account. when i was in middle school, i started mass-blocking followers when i was at around 800. i just suddenly felt like there were too many people following me. that was around 10 years ago. ​

12/25/2025 at jiyu thai hot pot.

​ 12/28/2025 playing D&D in 0112's car with 0002 and 0112.

​ 12/31/2025 on black dog

pink floyd references i noticed (maybe i'm missing some): "hey you", "mother", lang's grey t-shirt, and a fading sticker on his motorbike